A vicious cycle

Social scientists tell us that battered women go through a cycle of violence that is divided into three main stages: a tension-building phase, an acute violence stage, and a repentance phase.

In the tension-building phase, the man threatens to hurt and the woman tries to cope or even counters with threats of her own. As can be expected, eventually violence erupts into uncontrollable rage and violence (the acute violence stage). The woman may or may not fight back at the start, but most learn not to respond and to simply take the blows and hope it will soon stop.

The repentance phase follows: the aggressor shows signs of regret, says he’s sorry and didn’t mean to do it. He tries to make up and win the woman back.

Dr. Jeanne Deschner has done a lot of work with battered women and lists seven stages. They are:

1. Mutual Dependency.

Two very needy persons form a relationship. They expect all their needs to be met by the other. There are promises, passionate feelings that result in an intense relationship.

2. Noxious Event.

The victim-to-be does something unpleasant to the would-be-aggressor. It is the trigger that will set off a violent chain of events.

3. Coercions exchanged.

The abuser uses threats and denunciations in an attempt to stop the unpleasant behavior. A spiral of escalating negative exchanges follow.

4. “Last Straw” Decision.

The potential abuser decides the situation is intolerable.

5. Primitive Rage.

The abuser flies into a rage and might throw and break things. Then he attacks. He kicks beats bites, chokes the victim many more times than it takes to win. Afterwards, some are so angry, they truly cannot remember some of the things they did.

6. Reinforcement for Battering.

If the victim fights back she might be overwhelmed and draw even more punishment to herself. Some simply submit to the violence in the hope to defuse the situation and put an end to the pain. But this behavior works to reinforce the battering behavior (negative reinforcement). Even worse, the victim may accept the blame in the hope of placating the abuser and dissolving his anger.

7. Repentance Phase.

There is shock at the violent happening. Both withdraw, the victim to nurse her wounds, the abuser to realize what damage he has done. He repents over what he has done, over his loss of control. He might profess his love and his sorrow all in one breath. He asks for forgiveness or shows some measure of repentance by some act of kindness (notes, flowers, candies, etc).

The victim wants to believe he is truly contrite and accepts his apologies. They both resolve it won’t happen again. But the seeds of more violence have been sown and it is only a matter of time before the next explosive episode. –Bob Garon, Manila Times

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