Loneliness

Understanding loneliness can be very complicated because so many various factors can come into play even if lonely people feel dissatisfied, deprived and distressed. But in addition to this, people can have different kinds of feelings depending upon their situation.

Take widows for example. They may have different feelings from teeners or other adults when lonely. Studies have shown that for these women loneliness was associated with one or more of the following:

1. Desiring to be with the husband

2. Wanting to be loved by someone

• Wanting to love and take care of someone
• Wanting to share daily experiences with someone
• Wanting to have someone around the house
• Needing someone to share the work
• Longing for previous form of life
• Experiencing loss of status
• Experiencing loss of other people as a consequence of having lost husband
• Fearing inability to make new friends

Thus, the loneliness of widows included longing for the past, frustration with the present, and fears about the future.

Even those who have not lost a loved one by death, but who have suffered from a marital separation might have similar feelings.

They say that old people tend to be the loneliest among the lonely, but that is not true. It is the adolescents and young adults who are more prone to loneliness. Perhaps it is because this group has to struggle with problems such as love relationships, integration in groups and family problems. It is also true that young people commit suicide at a much higher rate.

When loneliness strikes, people tend to cope by weeping, sleeping, overeating, doing nothing, watching too much TV, and getting drunk or high on drugs. All these are self-destructive options. But then, loneliness is self-destructive. Lonely people believe that life has given them a raw deal. They feel alone even if there are lots of people around them who care. A social scientist wrote a book entitled The Lonely Crowd. Some of the loneliest people I have worked with had lots of friends, but when loneliness hit, their friends were not enough to deal with the pain they felt.

Since the hurt comes from within, the cure can only be found there. That means taking action to save your self. You will need to find the means to ward off those paralyzing feelings that loneliness engenders.

I find that the most effective antidote is to get out and help others with their problems. Somehow this helps me to connect and bond with them, thus lessening the loneliness. It also makes me look at my life, see the many blessings. I enjoy and begin to smile again.

This is my way. You have to find what works best for you and then have the determination to go for it!

If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or 825-1771 or e-mail me at goldenvalues­­_school@yahoo.com.ph or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati City. –Bob Garon, Manila Times