UN Child Rights document as parenting guide

THE EARLIEST years with my kids as a single parent were characterized by sleepless nights, missed meals, reading by candlelight to save electricity…

It must be the same with other parents. And because of our efforts, we tend to overlook our emotional obligation to our children.

When my kids ask me why I work very hard, I answer along the lines of “because mommy needs to pay our bills” or “because we need to eat and have a place to live in.” But these remarks might indicate that I take for granted the people closest to me.

The United Nations Rights of a Child outlines the obligations of the State toward children. We parents should also keep these rights in mind; they can serve as our guide in rearing our kids.

Not only does the child have a right to basic necessities such as food, shelter and clothing; the child also needs to be provided with “full and harmonious development of his or her personality, [and] should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding.”

Free expression

There is nothing more free, satisfying and attainable in the world than giving our time for our kids. Our level of communication with them will determine how they will open up to us as they grow older. Give them the chance to say what they feel, or ask for their thoughts on certain issues.

Being mentally busy, we tend to answer or react quickly when they ask us for or about something. Instead of a quick dismissive reply, we can say: “Can we talk about it when I get home?” or “Let’s think about it, I’ll call you again in an hour.”

By this, we train their young minds to patiently examine and weigh the effects of their actions and decisions. Be proactive by having a healthy exchange of ideas, and cite possible consequences of their actions without losing your cool.

Try to make sure that whatever resolution is reached, both parties are contented. Try it, and your kids will know you are not cutting them off and will appreciate the effort you have shown.

Education

When we send our kids off to school, it is not merely because we have to. Having an education will also broaden their world, enabling them to develop their abilities and make their own sound judgments. Education cultivates their moral and social conscientiousness so that they can become useful members of society.

Amid the rising cost of education, we can be more active in our children’s formal schooling. We can meet with their guidance counselors once in a while to check on their improvement. We can supervise our children in their homework and projects.

Recreation

Our children also experience stress due to schoolwork, social pressure and other demands. They also get affected when they see us sad, angry or having a bad day.

Recreation allows them to de-stress and enjoy the moment. This would be a great opportunity for casual bonding and communication. Giving them this right does not have to mean bringing them to the malls and spending heavily.

There are various ways of entertaining our children without losing an arm and a leg. Spend the weekend at home watching DVDs, playing board games that stimulate their young minds, asking them to help in house chores, or reading their favorite books or magazines with them.

Sometimes, set aside the authoritative stance and play and sit on the floor with them. True, it requires more energy and tolerance since we are not as physically strong as when we were younger. But it pays off in the end. Once they see you grasp their level of thinking, the kids will want to relate to you more.

Nowadays, when Mark and Joshua ask me why I do things for them, I answer: “I do this because it is your right to live and have an education. Because you have the right to be happy, as young as you both are.”

I don’t want to make my kids feel that they owe me. It is best to make kids aware of what their rights are as children, so that when they grow up, they may instill the same values in their own kids and in others. –Marina Benipayo, Philippine Daily Inquirer