How to end worry

“Anxiety is not fear, exactly, because fear is focused on something right in front of you, a real and objective danger,” writes Robin Marantz Henig in her “New York Times Magazine” article, “Understanding the Anxious Mind.”

“If you’re anxious, you find it difficult to talk yourself out of this foreboding; you become trapped in an endless loop of what-ifs,” according to the article. In other words, you fear what may not even happen.

Jerome Kagan, a psychology professor at Harvard, has been conducting longitudinal studies of temperament since 1989, and has found that anxiety does have a neurological fingerprint that is not easy to overcome. It seems that if you were an anxious baby you will retain those tendencies through adolescence and into adulthood. It is possible to tackle the demons of anxiety, however, with cognitive behavior therapy. By stopping the endless loop of worry–and replacing thoughts with actions–you can learn to do what non-anxious people do automatically.

If worries are getting in the way of enjoying your loved ones and life–here is a practical way to end the worry cycle. These 13 action steps, which I’ve created and use with couples and families in counseling—are appropriate for all ages—from 6 to 106.

Step 1

Cut sheets of paper into long strips. Make each strip approximately 1-by-5 inches. Cut a total of 100 strips so that you’ll have an adequate supply for the week.

Step 2

Write one worry on each strip. Be sure to write down all your worries. Doesn’t matter how big or small your worries are; just write them done. Getting worries off your chest onto a paper strip is the first step in breaking the worry cycle.

Step 3

Be specific. For example, instead of writing: “Worried about Johnny’s schoolwork,” be more specific: “Worried that Johnny is behind in math.” Instead of: “Worried about bills,” write: “Worried about overdue phone bill.” The more specific you are, the more relief you’ll feel.

Step 4

Create two piles: one pile for “Yes” and one pile for “No.”

Step 5

Read one worry out loud. Ask yourself, “Is there anything I can do about this worry today?” If the answer is “yes,” place that worry strip in the “Yes” pile. If the answer is “no,” put that worry strip in the “No” pile. Continue until each worry is placed in the appropriate pile.

Step 6

Throw the “No” pile in the trash. Yeah! Since there’s nothing you can do about “No’s” today, there’s no need to hang on to those.

Step 7

Shift your focus to the “Yes” pile. Commit to taking action on each worry in the “Yes” pile.

Step 8

Read over each “Yes” worry strip. Put the worries in order based on which one you will handle first, second and third.

Step 9

Take action. Decide what action you will take and do it immediately. After you have taken the action, move onto the next worry. Keep taking action until you have reached the end of the worry strips.

Step 10

Be worry-free for the rest of the day and celebrate. You took action on your worries and now you are free to enjoy the day.

Step 11

Repeat the above steps every day. Soon your worries will quiet down. You will begin to discover the difference between worries you can do something about and those you can’t.

Step 12

Memorize this mantra: I may have worries, but I no longer worry about my worries.

Step 13

Send me a message letting me know how you’re doing. I worry about you. –Judy Ford, eHow Contributing Writer