10-year marriage contract

Now that this matter of a proposed temporary marriage contract has somehow subsided in excited contemplation and spirited discussion, it might be but proper and just to look into the matter with more calm and prudence — in the light of on the ground concrete and practical realities.

Truth to say, such a demeaning look at marriage and consequent frivolous proposition on its temporary time frame, ultimately have one and the same victims, viz., the men and women who go for such a temporary conjugal union, especially so the children therefrom. This is not to mention their negative impact on society as a whole when the adult and youth concerned respectively disseminate their unsound personal value systems and propagate empirical grave misfortunes in their respective communities — as countries with divorce law amply prove.

Men and women who enter temporary marriages basically say that they are not serious about one another, that they take the human family lightly, and that they consider marriage but some kind of for-the-moment diversion or a by-the-way option. On the other hand, the children born of their exploratory union are not certain what future holds for them, which of their parents would get and have them, whom between their father and mother would they come to love or to hate.

A temporary marriage contract for 10 — more or less — years, implies the following composite nauseating if not traumatic experience when the husband and wife decide to call it quits upon expiration of the spousal contract: One, division of the domestic abode — which is disturbing. Two, division of conjugal properties — which is troublesome. Three, division of the children — which is traumatic. At the same time, all these dividing ventures strongly imply division of affection and mental posture, division of affiliation and loyalty among the family members concerned.

It is both right and practical to forward the following concrete and rational principles: First of all, those who do not believe and/or who cannot accept a lifetime conjugal partnership, should not get married at all. Second, those who subscribe to a more or less 10-year marriage contract, should be prepared to say how many temporal marriages are they prepared to contract, how many homes are they ready to break. Third, most important of all, those who accept marriage with a given time frame, should be prepared to say and decide how many children are they willing to divide.

By the way, to say that marriage is but a “contract,” is in fact, neither true nor right. Reason: As such, marriage would be no more, no better than a business contract, a lease contract, a car contract, and million and one other contracts. The truth is that marriage is a covenant, a compact, a vow — all of which immediately imply constancy, permanence, stability. This is why as a rule, men, women and children with a broken marriage behind them, usually do not become better persons for it. This is sad but true.

To say it lightly, marriage is not like a taxi that a man and a woman flag down, ride in, and thereafter leave it as a matter of course, when they no longer need it.

Parental love

The matter — or is it the question — of parental love has come to fore, lately. What is it really? What is it intended for? How is it shown? How far does it go? These are admittedly queries that are neither readily fathomed nor that easily answered. Considering that love per se is not only a complicated reality, a parental love is even more complex in significance, implications and consequences. But this does not mean that parental love in particular, could not be somehow explained as to its nature as “love,” and as to its qualification as “parental.” These eminent human realities are more empirical than academic. And it is in this context that the answers to the above questions asked, have to be proffered.

For a start, so that “love” is real and true, it must be altruistic. This means that the affection, care and concern that go therewith, should be in favor of someone loved other than the one loving. Otherwise, it would be but self-love which is not only egoistic and selfish, but also repulsive to everybody else. This is why love that is qualified as “parental” cannot but be also devotion, solicitude and attention from a father and/or mother in favor of the child. The truth is that there is nothing more dear and endearing on earth than the love of a parent for his/her child.

The more concrete and practical question to answer is the goal or finality of parental love — something that definitely goes beyond a parent providing food, shelter and clothing for his/her child, although such beneficial agenda are not only expected but also necessary. Distinctly much more important and significant than such admittedly gratifying expression or parental love, this has essentially something to do with the child in his/her dimensions as an individual person and as a social being.

Briefly, parental love cannot but be understood and acted upon, firstly, for the correct information, subsequently, for the proper formation and, ultimately, for the sound transformation of the child — as a continuous and consistent parental duty. Briefly and plainly: Information refers to teaching the child what is right, proper and true. Formation is molding the character, the value system and behavioral pattern of the same child. Transformation is making the child ever more conscious of keeping his/her human dignity, of not simply concerned with depending her/his rights but the more so, with complying with his/her obligations.

In other words, it is certainly not parental love to spoil a child, to let this do what he/she wants, to make the same think that she/he is over and above everybody and everything, that he/she is the world! In such a psychological and emotional framework, the child grows to be a big problem to the parent, a real danger to others, a big liability of society. And this is a big pity.

It is rather easy to be a parent, but parenting is definitely much harder. If giving birth to a child is painful, truth to say, the latter’s information, formation and transformation dutifully undertaken by the parent is a thousand and one more painful — and demanding! But that is the right way, that is the truth. –Archbishop Oscar V. Cruz, Daily Tribune

(Reprinted with permission of Archbishop Emeritus Oscar V. Cruz, from www.ovc.blogspot.com)