Teens talk about sex

Catholic bishops have expressed their desire to talk with President-elect Benigno Aquino III on the proposed module for sex education for public school students from the fifth grade to fourth year high school. The Education Department has earlier announced its intention to start its sex education program, on a pilot-test basis, in 79 high schools and 80 elementary schools in the country. The school year begins tomorrow. The priests are banking on Aquino to step in as soon as he becomes president and stop the pilot testing.

According to the Deped, the sex education module will be integrated into existing subjects already under the curriculum. And it won’t strictly be about the sexual act, either.

Under science, the module will focus on parts of the body, the onset of puberty and the reproductive cycle. Under Edukasyong Pantahanan at Pangkabuhayan, behavior between and among peers of different genders will be discussed. In health classes,the focus will be on personal hygiene and reproductive health.

In Heograpiya, Kasaysayan at Sibika, religious and cultural norms will be talked about. In math, the students will deal with statistics—on teenage pregnancy, maternal mortality, sexually transmitted infections and pre-marital sex.

Children will also be told which part of their bodies should not be touched by anyone and how to respond if somebody— a stranger or a family member—behaved otherwise.

The concepts as well as the level of discussion will be, needless to say, age-appropriate. Education Secretary Mona Valisno says they engaged psychologists in the preparation of the modules. Teachers who will handle these reinforced subjects have also undergone training, on, we surmise, the delivery of these basic but sensitive issues.

Unfortunately, the nuances are lost in the term “sex education,” which some religious leaders say would only promote promiscuity and licentiousness among young people. We can dwell on the nomenclature and think up other terms to make the module more palatable and acceptable to the church. We can call it life education, reproductive health, or any other cleverly-coined phrase, and take forever deciding whether or not to go ahead. In the meantime, the dangers remain.

***

Five high school students graciously agreed, despite the ilang factor (a phrase coined by one of them), to answer my questions about sex which I sent them through Facebook. Fifteen-year-old Clai Litiatco, a senior, says that sex education is “another topic that would make the whole class giggle.” “It gives me funny feelings,” adds junior Jay de Guzman, 14, while his classmate Josh Tulagan, 14, says “it’s really awkward.” Karlo Go, 14 and in third year, believes it “depends on who I am talking to.”

Evidently the first thing to hurdle, even before we get down to the basics, is the great discomfort in talking about sex. Filipinos are not exactly known for our candidness in such matters. Generally, we are mum about the whole sex thing, believing it’s a private affair. But what if the private matter becomes a public concern because it touches on a social issue? Teenage pregnancy. Premature parenthood. Abortion. Physical risks to mothers. Poverty. Disease. Keeping mum will then be a form of allowing evil to happen.

Sure, sex education is primarily the province of parents. “My parents tell me they want me to be informed of what I may go through in the future. They do it so I know the consequences of such actions, and to keep me out of trouble. They say they don’t want me to ruin my life because of stupid choices,” says 16-year-old May Delos Santos, another junior. In fact, she’s ok with limiting the discussions to her family “because I trust my family more than anyone. They only want what’s best for me and they wouldn’t do anything that will harm me.”

Jay’s dad is a pastor and also talks to him about sex. “He warns me and tells me about the diseases.”

But, really, how many parents are like May’s or Jay’s? Not too many. Most parents know they have to do it but fail to connect (the input is thus not taken seriously), refuse to communicate because it grosses them, or their kids, out (or both), or worse, don’t even know what to say and that they should talk at all.

Schools provide the next best thing. Classroom discussions bring objectivity and universality into the issue. For the parents who do talk to their kids, sex education at school complements their efforts. The talks in school take care of the nitty-gritty; parents can then dwell on the more profound or practical aspects of sex education.

If neither home nor classroom enlightenment takes place, we would be leaving too much to chance. Sex is everywhere—movies, television, the internet, magazines. Unfortunately, they highlight the beguiling part—passion, romance, the invincibility of youth—but dim all the consequences that make sex so complicated. “STD, pregnancy, depression, emotional pain,” lists May.

But more than kids needing to know that each act has short-term and long-term effects, they also want to know. Surprise, surprise, they want to learn from their teachers and parents, too.

May from the progressive family says she would like to hear more from her parents because “expanding my knowledge will actually lessen the chance of my actually doing these things.”

Clai blames her older sister’s pregnancy at the age of 19 to the lack of openness in her family, although she admits she would find it more educational if her teachers did the talking. “It’s important for teens to know the positive and mostly negative effects that sex would bring,” she adds.

On the other hand, Karlo is emphatic about wanting to discuss sex. “Definitely! Most of the time!” Then he backpedals. “I want to… but I’m shy.” Karlo, like Jay, is a born-again Christian. He believes that his pastor can provide him guidance, as well.

“We have to know when to do it,” says Josh. “[Sex education] teaches children to control how they feel,” adds Jay.

Oh, but here’s the catch. These five teenagers all go to private schools and are relatively better off than millions of other kids their age. Imagine the greater need for these children who are exposed to sex the hard way—from abuse, from their own parents who keep having children when they could ill afford to, from just about anybody on the streets. They must at least know they deserve better, have choices, and could take control of their own bodies—and destinies.

Let’s think of another name if some of us feel “sex education” creates the impression that kids will be taught the kama sutra. But let us not stop there. Fixating on labels is perhaps the grossest thing we could do because it makes us miss the point. Kids should be informed in a guided manner and they will likely welcome the help. They should not be left in the dark to, well, feel their way around.

“Sex is not just a game where you can easily push the restart button,” Karlo sums it up nicely as he compares the issue to the Xbox games he and his friends enjoyed all summer. It figures. Even consoles have manuals, so why don’t we allow parents and/ or, in their incompetence, schools to enable kids to make informed choices? There’s much dignity in taking control of your destiny, after all.

Surely we would like to see our children executing the right commands instead of later on languishing in regret and defeat, wishing they knew better.

adellechua@gmail.com