So, does size really matter?

During my years of writing a sex and relationship column for a men’s magazine, the question I always get from men, was: “Does size really matter?” Of course, I got a bunch of other variations—some colorful and some mathematical (think in terms of ratio and proportion)—of that inquiry. That question would usually come on the heels of : “Where can I find the G-spot?”

Apparently, psychologists like Dr. Robert Saltzman get the same kind of questions. One letter the doctor received was from a soon-to-groom who was riddled with anxiety about his 4.5 inch erect penis being able to satisfy his wife. But the good doctor’s answer to the question was not only sensible, as expected, but rather sexy as well. Check out his answer to the question of whether or not 4.5 inches would hit the spot.

Dear Shoaib

Your penis is within the normal range. It is a bit on the smaller side of normal, but is certainly large enough for good sexual intercourse.

Further, not all women like large penises. In fact, many woman prefer not having to deal with a large penis which might go too deep and end up causing pain. You may find that your new wife will love your penis and think it is perfect—particularly if you follow the advice I will give you later in this reply.

It might help you to know that the average vagina is only about as long as your penis, so you have plenty of length to get the job done. In addition, the vagina is not an empty space waiting to be filled—the vaginal walls press against one another until something is inserted and then they expand enough to receive it, but not more than that. In other words, the vagina will tend to grip whatever is inserted into it and adjust its size to match.

For men with smaller penises the rear entry position is probably ideal since it will allow deeper penetration if desired. This position also allows the woman to stimulate her own clitoris during intercourse which often helps her to achieve orgasm.

But the purely mechanical side of sex is by far the less important side. Many men do not understand this (I often hear about their ignorance of what turns a woman on from their wives and girlfriends who come to me for counseling), but sexual intercourse does not begin in the bed, it begins when people feel something special towards one another and begin to send little signals. In other words, the part in the bed is the finale, not the whole show. If you want your wife to be satisfied with your lovemaking, here is my advice:

1. Be gentle and kind with her in all things. Do not try to dominate her, as unfortunately so many foolish men do. Be her friend as well as her sex partner.

2. Touch her often and with real affection, not just when you want sex.

3. Speak softly to her and tell her how attractive she is to you.

4. When you are in bed, caress her entire body—not just the sex parts.

5. When you do get around to “doing it,” touch her vagina gently, and be sure that she is well lubricated and eager before you try to enter.

6. Learn to time your pleasure according to her rhythms so that she can have an orgasm before or when you do. In other words, try not to come too quickly, leaving her high and dry.

7. Tell her you love her, both before and after you have sex.

If you do those things, the size of your penis will not matter much, if at all.  I wish you every happiness in your marriage and good sex too.

The good doctor knows that a woman’s biggest sex organ isn’t between her legs, but between her ears. And once you’ve won her over on that front, you know that you would have found her G-Spot and hit it right on the . . . ahem, head!

If there were a mention in his post about the sexy benefits of using condoms, I would dare think that the good doctor was a woman.  But alas, there’s still a thing or two we Sassy women can teach men. –Ana Santos, manila Times

Ana is a freelance journalist who writes about sexual health rights and armed conflict. If you ask her where those two topics intersect, she’ll tell—without so much as batting an eyelash—that  they both need protection. Read more of her work by accessing www.sexandsensibilities.com