Battered women and their abusive men (First of five parts)

If you are being beaten by a boyfriend or a spouse, then you need to read this. If you have a family member or a friend who is being physically battered, you might want to read this and give it to that friend or loved one.

The physical abuse of women in our country is not uncommon. In fact, almost all of it goes unreported. Still, men continue to push, pinch, punch, choke, kick and inflict pain in various ways on their women.

I use the term “their women” because the vast majority of these abusive men truly believe that their partners belong to them. They are convinced that they own their women and are free to punish them “for their own good”.

It is also true that abusive men do not restrict their abuse to the physical. They go on to beat them up emotionally and inflicting deep psychological wounds that remain long after the bodily bruises have healed. It is safe to say that their women are deeply traumatized and suffer from inner torment everyday of their lives.

These women live in constant fear. Even during those times when the man is kind (yes, batterers do have their sweet moments) and seemingly loving and concerned, there is fear that the mood can suddenly change and he can explode in an angry fit of rage and violence. She must continually be on guard, ever watchful of how he feels, ever careful of what she says and how she says it.

After years of abuse, most women who have not been beaten into total submission, long to be free of their tormentor. But they feel trapped in fear of what might happen should they make a move for the door. The memories of the beatings, the constant real and implied threats that are ever present work against them. Most have been threatened with death and they take these threats very seriously.
Even if they know they can run, they are not sure they can hide.

They also worry about their children. There is no way they can leave them behind with their abuser and because most wife beaters also physically hurt their kids, the thought of leaving without them is unacceptable.

If the woman cannot support herself and her kids financially, her options are again reduced. The specter of poverty or even greater poverty if already poor makes it difficult to run.

In short, they are trapped! –Bob Garon, Manila Times

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