Stephanie’s life with HIV

There had been stories told about people who struggled and won against HIV/AIDS. And then, there are people who tell the story of how they continue living with HIV/AIDS. Such is the bittersweet story of “Stephanie” (not her real name) who has been living with HIV for 13 years now.

WHEN LOVE CAME

It all started when she met the man who would go against the odds to win her hand in marriage. Young, articulate, intelligent and armed with a college degree in business management, Stephanie flew to Singapore in 1990 to work as a domestic helper.

Her employer had a younger brother, “Ken” (not his real name) who worked on a ship.

“My employer didn’t want his brother to see me. So he would tell me to bring food to the other unit or do other things whenever his brother was around. Maybe he was just protective of me. I was only 20 then,” Stephanie recalls.

But soon her employer’s brother found ways to get to know her and get close to her.

One time, he posed as a census officer and asked Stephanie questions about herself. “I was not afraid (to answer) because I had (working) papers. I was not (an) illegal (alien),” she said.

In one of her free days, Ken took her on a tour all over Singapore and showed her the ship where he worked.

“When he fell in love with me, it was totally unexpected. I didn’t want to go to that situation because I think we should not be together because I am poor and he is in [that level]. Also, it is prohibited for Singaporeans to marry foreign workers.”

To avoid any trouble, Stephanie left Singapore to work in Hong Kong.

WEDDING BELLS

For almost three years, Stephanie worked in Hong Kong. Back then, she and Ken no longer communicated with each other so imagine her surprise when she got a call from her mother in Bicol.

She told Stephanie that a Chinese-looking man was in her hometown, asking for her blessing to wed Stephanie.

“He stayed in the Philippines for three months preparing the marriage. He converted to Catholic because he was Buddhist. He even got anxious because our wedding is fast approaching and I have not yet come home. Finally, after much prodding from my mother and my brother, I came home for the wedding.”

“Many say my life was Cinderella-like but with an unfavorable ending,” Stephanie said.

In 1997, Stephanie gave birth to a baby girl and during that time, they began working on their documents for permanent residence in Singapore.

HIV-POSITIVE

The application for residence in Singapore required Stephanie to take a medical exam that included test for HIV, which she took in a private hospital in Manila. “At that time, I wasn’t afraid. I was not afraid because I did not have multiple sex partners,” Stephanie said.

When she came back, the hospital required her to take another test saying that her blood specimen got lost. Three months later, she was back in the hospital with the pathologist telling her that she was HIV-positive and had only a short time left to live.

“When I heard that, I fled the hospital immediately. I do not even know how I was able to return to my sister’s house. There, I hurriedly packed my things and went to Bicol with my daughter.”

“Sometimes, when we have training, I can relate to them because that is what happened to me. I know how it feels when during trainings, they ask what I will do if I only had 24 hours to live,” she said.

Stephanie said she could not believe she could die just any time. She wasn’t even running a fever and her child is also well. “There is no sign that we would die,” she told herself. Nobody in her family knew what she was going through.

On the fourth day, Stephanie decided to tell her husband about it.

She returned to Singapore and Ken decided to have himself checked as well. Ken was also confirmed positive for HIV. He confessed to Stephanie that before their marriage, he had been to Thailand, had sex with a woman and suspects that is where he ‘was exposed’ to the infection.

Stephanie later discovered that even her child was HIV-positive.

DEATH CREEPS IN

“Ken looks healthy but we learned that at that time, his CD4 count was only 12.”

CD4 cells help the body fight against various infections.

According to the Department of Health (DoH), HIV attacks the CD4 cells, multiplies inside them and gradually kills them.

Once CD4 cells are destroyed, a person’s ability to fight off infections is compromised.

The Singaporean doctor also told Stephanie that there was no available anti-retroviral drug (ARV) yet for their baby. ARV for children became available only in 2006.

ARV delays the multiplication of the virus that helps the person living with HIV resist infection.

When her baby became sick, she took her to a hospital in her hometown and told the attending doctor that she and her baby were HIV positive.

“The doctor became hysterical. She ran to the hallway shouting that my baby and I had AIDS. She was cursing on the way to the director’s office. The director, who may have panicked as well, even announced that in this room number, there is a mother and daughter who are sick with AIDS.”

Stephanie said the hospital director even wanted her jailed, accusing her of wanting to infect the hospital staff. Fortunately, a DoH representative arrived and explained the condition of people with HIV and AIDS.

From Bicol, Stephanie took her baby to the Research Institute for Tropical Medicine (RITM) in Alabang, Muntinlupa City, but after after two days, the baby died of TB-Meningitis. She was four years old.

Her husband later died when he slipped after fixing something in the house. Ken became paralyzed and died the next day.

LIFE GOES ON

Stephanie’s story in the hospital created a panic in Bicol. It was reported in the radio and in tabloids. “It was sensationalized. This is the reason for my fear of the press,” Stephanie said. “What I went through was not easy.”

But Stephanie has since risen from that ordeal. Today at the age of 42, Stephanie is the vice-president of an organization that promotes the rights of women with HIV/AIDS.

Stephanie advises people living with HIV and AIDS to stay strong and keep on living by engaging in a healthy lifestyle. –JENNY F. MANONGDO, Manila Bulletin