Don’t whine and tweet

MANILA, Philippines – Etiquette is the science of living. It embraces ethics. It is honor.   — Emily Post

Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax.    — Arthur Schopenhauer

The recent troubles encountered by President Noynoy C. Aquino’s Assistant Secretary for Communications Mai Mislang over having tweeted that Vietnam wine “sucks” while the national leader was at a banquet welcoming him on his state visit, her other tweets on lack of handsome guys in Vietnam, and how the motorbike-filled Hanoi streets can kill people — all those gaffes point to the fact that many of us have forgotten the very “social” aspect of social media just because we’re using our laptops, Blackberries or iPhones.

The rise of the social media, text messaging, cyber surfing and blogs empowering everyone to style themselves as instant journalists dishing out opinions and newsbits without the guidance of editors, information overload plus so much unfiltered garbage on the Internet, plus access to instantaneous news but the lessening of critical thinking and analyses — all these are new challenges to human civilization.

One phrase that I think encapsulates the zeitgeist or spirit of this cyberspace era of empowered confidence as well as its brash cockiness is “IMAO” or “in my arrogant opinion.”

Here are some etiquette guidelines that I suggest for this exciting yet bewildering era of the social media:

Common courtesies

1. Don’t whine about bad wine if you’re a guest in Vietnam. This ASEAN neighbor may be a former French colony but is not famous for wine but for rice production. Instead of belittling them, we should be reminded that the Viets used to go to the International Rice Research Institute in Los Baños, Laguna to study how to plant rice. They are now the world’s No. 2 rice exporter while we have become the world’s No. 1 rice importer. If we don’t push more pro-business reforms, Vietnam will soon decisively surpass us economically.

2. Don’t complain about bad food served by your hosts. Complain only and politely if you’ve suffered food poisoning (after you’re 100 percent certain that it’s due to their food).

3. Don’t complain that there are no handsome guys or beautiful women in the home or country of your host. Even if you look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie.

4. Don’t disparage other countries’ chaotic streets. Especially if we still cannot rein in our many suicidal buses and undisciplined jeepneys in Metro Manila’s traffic-jammed streets.

5. Cease and desist from misusing the word “honorable” when many of our shameless and greedy politicos are so despicably dishonorable in flaunting their corrupt ways!

6. Leaders in government, the private sector, schools and NGOs should change the term “Filipino time,” meaning tardiness into “the new Filipino time” referring to punctuality.

7. Remember to keep using the old-fashioned phrases “Sorry,” “Excuse me,” “Thank you” and “Please” in a very sincere way, whether personally, via texts or the social media.

Facebook, Twitter & other social media

1. Be always reminded that the social media is public. Do not tweet negative or post derogatory Facebook comments that you will someday regret or be ashamed to be made public. FB posts and Twitter tweets do reflect your personality and character, which can be accessible to everyone in the world including your bosses and the media.

2. Don’t thoughtlessly post negative or sarcastic comments about a person on his or her Facebook page. This takes the cake of opprobrium on rudeness!

3. Refrain from insulting people based on religion, race, gender or other discriminations that are not only boorish and unfair, but also often illegal in most civilized societies.

4. Do not post controversial or crazy ideas that will embarrass you now or in the future.

5. Do not plagiarize or just blindly copy and paste data in Wikipedia or other websites for a speech, a book, a report or even Supreme Court decisions without careful verification researches and without acknowledging the sources because social media can catch you and spread your dishonesty faster than wildfire.

6. Do not photograph nude images and videotape or record sex and intimate acts like kissing without the consent of other people. Do not spread these images via the Internet.

7. Try to reply to invitations received via email or through the social media, even with a simple “No, thank you” or “I’m not sure”.

8. Do not use Facebook wall posts to keep selling real estate, nutritional supplements, network marketing, underwear, shoes, bags and other things that irritate people. Ask permission first if it’s okay to sell. A Facebook wall is a forum for communication among friends, not an advertising billboard opportunity along the over-cluttered EDSA highway!

9. Refrain from sending or being duped into believing chain letters. Chain letters via Internet or even texts are downright annoying! I’ve received a chain letter from a supposedly jailed and overseas Filipino worker on death row in the Middle East, but I asked him how come he’s amazingly so often on Facebook chatting and asking for money.

10. Avoid addiction or excessive use of social media. How? Be aware of the time you’re spending on them, then limit yourself. Some use the social media productively for work or business. Cut down on too much FB games. Instead of spending too much time on Farmville, go out to smell real flowers, plant real vegetables and trees!

11. Endeavor to spread more positive, useful, sensible and even funny posts or tweets, not so many derogatory, angry, gory, depressing, salacious, insulting or nihilistic posts.

Don’t broadcast negative relationship status updates hurtful or inconsiderate of your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband past or present, even if you have problems with them.

12. Respect the privacy of others. Be safe also, do not allow too much personal and family data on social media for potential criminals to freely access.

13. Basic courtesies in real life should also apply to the social media. Being behind the computer or your laptop and hiding behind avatars is not an excuse to be rude.

14. Don’t argue. It is a waste of time. As with real life, nobody really wins an argument. If there are any disagreements on any topic, discuss in courteous and logical manner but do not go into heated and emotional arguments that nobody can win.

15. Refrain from sending private messages on a Facebook wall. Everyone can read this and it might not be good not only for you but also for your friend or acquaintance.

16. Refrain from tagging or posting photos of your friends or you doing crazy stuff, drinking liquor or other wild activities that will not only harm your personal, family and professional reputation but also that of your friends. I’ve read of an American youth on trial for drunk driving who claimed that he had already reformed and that it was an isolated misdemeanor, but a Facebook search showed his drunken sprees after the illegal act of drunk driving, so he was not exonerated and was sent to jail.

17. Ask permission first to post photos of other people, even if non-controversial pictures, this is basic courtesy since it involves making public his or her images.

18. Be honest. Refrain from using pseudonyms or fake photos, because I think only guerrilla rebels like Che Guevarra or Ho Chi Minh use nom de guerre names or novelists and poets are allowed to use pen names. Be yourself.

19. Refrain from butchering grammar and misusing punctuation marks. In the social media, uphold not only truth and good manners, but also good grammar!

20. Last but not least, our late educator mom used to tell me and my younger sister that “the simplest guideline to good etiquette is the Golden Rule.”This was enunciated by the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius as well as by Jesus Christ in the Bible — do unto others what you want others to do unto you, and vice versa. Let’s apply this to the social media! –Wilson Lee Flores (The Philippine Star)