Goodbye, Facebook

Half a billion people can’t be wrong. It is mind-boggling that after a mere six years of launching the social networking site, Facebook has over 500 million users. For many, it is a useful tool for keeping in touch with friends all over the globe, perhaps even making new ones, and is another instance of how technology has improved and enhanced people’s lives. (Cue the inspirational music.)

However, there is an underlying dark side to Facebook. (Cue the booing from Facebook fans.) This dark side has exposed itself through the recent suicides from cyber-bullying on Facebook. In England, Holly Grogan, a 15-year-old child, leapt to her death because of abuse from Facebook bullies. In fact, the spate of Facebook bullying has resulted in the first conviction, in Britain, for making threats and harassing on the social networking site. Keeley Houghton, 18 years old, was sentenced to three months imprisonment for threatening, on the social networking site, to kill her classmate.

These are not just random occurrences but are real indicators of the dangers lurking in the social networking site. Aside from cyber-bullying, identity-theft, robberies resulting from information on Facebook (listing your status as “out of town with friends” puts a virtual bull’s eye for robbers on your home) and cyber-stalking of children and young adults are part and parcel of the phenomenon that is Facebook.

One of the primary dangers of Facebook, or any other social networking site, is its virtuality: the separation of the online reality and the physical reality existing outside of the Internet. On Facebook, at one end of the spectrum, you have those who engage in role-playing or fantasy: people who create false identities either as a release from their own limiting reality or as a means to an end, which, at the most innocent level, may be to have a little role-playing fun but, at it’s most malevolent, to commit crimes and harm others. Food for thought: Are you sure that the attractive young woman that you are having an online affair with isn’t a fifty year old man with a criminal record?

On the other end of the spectrum are those who allow themselves to engage in online behavior that they wouldn’t try in the real world: from simple flirting to rude and obscene rantings. Since it is merely virtual reality, they believe that there are no consequences for their actions. Some of the most timid and kind persons in the real world can be extremely obnoxious, bigoted and rude online. In the real world, since we know that bad behavior carries actual consequences, such as punishment or ostracism, there is a counterbalance to darker human tendencies. Unfortunately, in cyberworld, the fictional veil of the Internet and online personas frees people from punishment and without the threat of consequence, many do not have the moral integrity to restrain their baser selves. Simply check out the comments section of popular websites and you will find some of the most outrageous, perverted and asinine statements and the dark side of freedom without self-restraint is exposed clear as day. So Mr. Jose dela Cruz would never say in public that Mr. X is a (bleep… expletive… bleep) but joesmartypants, his online persona, would and more.

Perhaps equally as dangerous as the unfettered egos and the false personalities on Facebook is the addictiveness of the site itself. The reason why Facebook is phenomenally successful is because it is so much fun. Plants versus Zombies, anyone? Unfortunately, for some it becomes too much fun and it distracts people from work — checking out their friends’ status instead of preparing an important office memo — or it undermines their real world relationships. I recently read a letter to a local newspaper from a mother who shared her experience of overcoming her addiction to Facebook. She would spend hours upon hours on the site, neglecting her duties to her husband and children. Lucky for her, she saw how her addiction was destroying their home life and she was able to set her priorities straight and began to give due importance to her family.

Part of the addictiveness of the site is the instant gratification. You get in touch with friends so quickly and easily without having to go through the real world difficulties of actually making an effort to set aside time for a real world meeting. Thus, there are no intermediaries, no fixing of schedules, no more having to make yourself look presentable for a coffee meeting with a friend. In the real world, there is the real “you,” the smelly-I-haven’t-had-my-shower-yet-and-I’m-still-in-my-pajamas you, who is chatting online, while in the Facebook world, “you” are presented at your pristine best, with your most attractive picture serving as your Avatar.

And that is my main problem with Facebook: That person on your Facebook page isn’t really you. It is a persona, a fiction that is presented to others. The pictures that you post online are the ones that you have chosen to present yourself only at your best. Consequently, your profile is a pale image of the complex and vibrant human being that you are. Personally, this is the one I’d like to meet and be friends with. Virtual friends are just that — they aren’t real. Real friends actually spend time with each other or, if they are far apart, share their lives specifically with each other, through e-mails, letters, gifts, photos, etc. The sharing of lives isn’t a mere aspect of social networking and is an end in itself. Friendship, real ones, require effort. Facebook makes friendship too easy.

Lastly, while I respect those who enjoy their Facebook in moderation and who have used it properly to enhance their lives and relationships, for me, the social and moral costs of the site outweigh the benefits. So I’m deactivating my account. Anyway, if my Facebook friends are real friends, then they know how to reach me and they will take the time and effort to do so. And vice versa. That’s what real friends do. (Cue Dionne Warwick’s That’s What Friends Are For.) –Adel Tamano (The Philippine Star)