10 lessons for young people

Last Tuesday, I was a speaker at a forum for high school and grade school students of my alma mater, La Salle Greenhills. It was a good homecoming for me, seeing how much the school has changed — and improved — since I spent my high school days there from 1984 to 1988. There were two other speakers, Earl Lacson, a Philippine Military Academy alumnus, currently an officer with the Army’s Intelligence Service, and John Consulta, a senior reporter with GMA-7. We were, essentially, resource persons. We were invited to provide advice on choosing a career path and how to live according to LaSallian values.

I was the oldest resource person since both Earl and John graduated in the ‘90s. However, despite my age, I felt an affinity for the students gathered in the auditorium. I remembered how it felt to be seated there nearly three decades ago — as an awkward, thin, and ungainly nerd listening to La Salle graduates giving advice. I remembered how wide-eyed and optimistic I was then; believing that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to, yet also fearful of the future, wondering if I would make the right life choices — like which school to go to, what course to take, etc.

So on the basis of my 24-year post-high school experience, here are 10 things that I wish an adult had advised me when I was in high school:

1 Study wisely. Everybody tells you to study hard and study well but they for-get to remind you the most important thing to bear in mind, which is to know the “why” of studying. I wish someone had told me that the real purpose of studying in high school was to find out what subjects interested me the most. Studying should help us find the topics and subjects that we might become passionate about in the future. It is important to remind our children and students that learning basic skills in math, the fundamentals of science and the lessons of history and language are important but equally important is that in the course of study, students should learn more about themselves. Such as: what are their interests? What are they good at? What are their strengths and values? Knowing these things will help them figure out what future vocation they should take, hopefully one that matches their skill set, temperament and passions.

2 Study less. It probably depends on the type of student because there are a lot of lazy and unfocused students to whom this admonition might not be applicable but, at least for me, as someone who was in the honor’s section in high school and the first International Baccalaureate Program class in Las Salle Greenhills, I think I studied too much and failed to enjoy high school life to the fullest. There are many lessons to be learned and not all of them are found within the four walls of a classroom.

3 Enjoy your childhood. In high school, I was in such a hurry to become an adult that I forgot how precious — and fleeting — childhood is. Some of the students in the auditorium last week didn’t look very young, since some were even taller than me, but they were, in truth, children. And children should enjoy the gifts of childhood. A bit of carefreeness, even foolishness, are in order.

4 Honor your father and mother. I wish someone had told me that my parents wouldn’t always be around and so I should make an effort to spend time with them, learn from them, and to enjoy their presence. There is so much angst and conflict between teens and parents, particularly when the teenage rebelliousness genes start to kick in. Young people forget, in the heat of the conflict, that their time with their parents is limited. My father died when I was in law school and I do not spend a single day that I do not regret not spending more time with him. I especially regret the time wasted fretting over perceived slights and what I thought were acts of unkindness or cruelty from my father. While I was in high school and college, I felt my father was too hard on me and too lenient on my other siblings. In hindsight, I realize that all of that was rubbish and now it is too late to recapture that time lost with my father.

5 Stop worrying about your looks. Yes, that zit will go away. You will lose your baby fat. Or maybe not. And that’s okay.

For someone, like I was in high school, who is a bit thin — you’ll grow into your body. Anyway, people who focus too much on looks aren’t the type of people that you want to be friends with. So if some people give you a hard time because of your braces, your eyeglasses, your skin breakouts, etc., then they are the ones with the problem, not you. Beauty, while important, is not all-important. Intelligence, goodness, kindness and character are far more valuable — and lasting — commodities. And no, this isn’t just an excuse ugly people give. So unless you aspire to become a matinee idol, remember that your good looks — or lack thereof — will not be a hugely vital requirement for success.

6 Buy books instead of gadgets and clothes. As a high school student, I wasted a lot of money, saved lunch or baon money to spend on useless clothes and gadgets. I wish someone had told me instead to spend my money on books. Buying books, particularly the classics, is a personal investment for one’s future. Clothes and gadgets go out of style very fast — yes, I’ve been a fashion victim — but the works of Shakespeare, Dostoevsky and Poe never do. I’m happy that my own children prefer books over toys.

7 Don’t bother trying to understand the opposite sex, just treat them with due respect. I’ve been married nearly 13 years

and, honestly, while I love my wife Weena dearly, I cannot say at this point in my life that I have even the foggiest idea what women think. At lot of young men will waste precious time, effort, and energy trying to understand the opposite sex. Talk about an exercise in futility. God made men and women different. Full stop. So expend your energy respecting them, treating them well, and enjoying their friendship or company. You don’t need to comprehend women and you never will. Trust me, this bit of advice will save young men from a lot of arguments and heartache.

8 Have a wide group of friends. And cherish your friends. I don’t have many friends — specifically, not too many former classmates from high school or college. I’ve been so focused on work, studies and other endeavors that I’ve neglected to stay in touch with my friends. So I advise young people to keep in touch with their high school friends because it is always good to have a wide network of friends, particularly in the Philippines where who you know is as important to your success as your own merits and skills. But more valuable than this, having a lot of friends allows you a wider range of people to learn from. So while others may caution us about choosing friends wisely, which should indeed be the case, I’ll add that one shouldn’t be too cautious.

9 Don’t be afraid to fail. I had hoped someone would discuss with me the importance of failure. Yes, failure is imperative to personal growth and success and young people have to learn early on that failure is not something to worry about but rather something to accept as an inescapable reality of life. History will show that great men and women — Alexander, Abraham Lincoln, Napoleon, Jose Rizal, Thomas Jefferson, etc. — failed many, many times in their lives and careers. What catapulted them to greatness was their rising up after their failure. One thing I’ve noticed about young folk nowadays, and maybe it’s because information is so easy to obtain in the Internet age or because social media networks allow personal failures to become public so quickly, is that they are deathly afraid of failing. If they believe that they will lose at something, they won’t even try. To that I say, they have just found the perfect recipe for mediocrity. As the famous Jordan Nike commercials emphasize, what made Michael Jordan a great athlete was that after the hundreds of missed game-winning shots, he never gave up; he had the heart of a champion. Moreover, it is great to experience failures while one is young because this will also be the key to knowing what one is good at or bad at. For myself, I’m glad I failed at politics because it made me realize that I’d be a lousy politician anyway. However, I can be great at other things since I now know what I’m poor at. Young people should know that there is no shame in failing. What is shameful is not standing up after a failure. And what is most shameful is not even trying in the first place.

10 Listen to your elders. Often, to young   people, their elders seem uncool and out of touch. Since there is   the arrogance of youth, young people believe they have little to learn from their parents, grandparents or older relatives. Of course, that is not only wrong but stupid as well. Older people are a great source of insight and knowledge. The youth can learn from their elders’ successes as well as failures. And, more often than not, they are just waiting for the opportunity to share their experiences. Just like what I’m doing right now. –Adel Tamano (The Philippine Star)