Mistakes and their correction

It is wise to consider error as a friend, Let us reflect on the four interesting aspects of error: First, note its value in exact science. The “margin of error” is important to scientists in perfecting their experiments. They resort to repeating their trials to lessen the “margin of error.” Next, is the principle of “control of error” in our daily work activities, like folding towels, pouring beverages or carrying a mop. An eye for precision will make sure the edges of the towel are aligned; the pouring of the hot coffee is directed to the center of the cup to avoid spilling, while the mop is held vertically upright to avoid hitting others. Third, there must be a dependable guide to use like a map, which a traveler uses to find his way in a new town instead of relying on pedestrians to give directions.

Fourth, error creates a bond of friendship. Misunderstanding and differences in opinions need not lead to heated arguments or enmity. Quarrels can be settled by listening first to each other’s explanation, understanding the impending circumstances, and finally realizing each one’s oversight. Accepting the fact that all can make blunders builds empathy. This should stir affection, the exchange of apology to bring two people closer as friends. Lastly, toddlers would stumble often and should be allowed to get up by themselves. Their lack of equilibrium is not a mistake nor a defect but a developmental stage that can eventually be outgrown.

When adults make mistakes

Adults are so conscious of preserving their dignity. This lies on never making mistakes. Pride, thus, enters the picture. By committing errors, we fear that we are setting a bad example. We end up not correcting ourselves, but persist on noting the blunders of children that can only be overcome with practical work-education as they grow up. Life’s highway does not ascend straight, but is filled with bumps. Perfection can only be sought if we work on our own flaws.

How to discipline with love

Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson, author of best selling parents’ books like How to Discipline with Love (from crib to college), confirms this: “It is amazing that age is not even mentioned in many theories of discipline. Yet, it is obvious that you do not teach desirable behavior to an eight-year-old or a 15-year-old…”

Actually, it is as early as the infant stage that parents establish the best rapport with their baby, when they are still crawling and babbling. While the babies are fed, they are cuddled and hugged. Bathing is caressing and cooing time. Singing, working and playing with them during their waking hours altogether make both parents the much loved persons in the babies’ eyes. In return children spontaneously acquire a good temperament. All this loving is directly suggesting to the infants that they are okay and are behaving the right way.

However, by the time Mother Nature allows them to take their first steps and express themselves at the age of one, the toddlers get into discipline tussles with papa and mama. From the toddler stage to the explosive age of two, the parents assume another role as critics or as “oppressors,” frequently giving the children orders like, “don’t do that,” “don’t touch it,” or “stop crying,” and others. This certainly interrupts the loving rapport, which ought to continue in every step of the children’s development. So how should fathers and mothers express and assert their authority then, especially since their children is becoming too active and mischievous? This is precisely the time to catch that energy and channel it. Engage them in work: “Let’s carry the boxes.” (They prefer the large ones.) At bath time, instruct them, “Here is the tabo (water dipper).” “After I soap your body, pour water so I can rinse you.” “Let’s set the table.” Work, is an activity with an intelligent aim. It is crucial for parents to spend part of the time with their children simply enjoying being together like taking a walk or story telling.

Lectures or moral admonition are issued between six to 12, when the reasoning power and the moral sense are acquired. The activities will again vary during adolescence since teenagers form their own group of friends.

The ‘homework war’

During the school months, the “homework war” between parents and children is a constant feature in the household. Homes reverberate with criticisms, scolding and moralizing. All these would discourage the children’s will and capacity to guide themselves. The solution is acquisition of skill in various academic subjects. Constant practice will raise their standards. Parents will just have to make the home setting conducive to study. A quiet corner away from distractions is needed. This is furnished with a comfortable working table with a bookshelf and drawer. Mobile phone and telephone calls are off limits. Talk with your children and agree upon a set “homework time.” This is right after getting home from school and not just before bedtime, since assignments usually take more time. Weekly reviews will help. Let your children know that this is their sole responsibility. It may help to encourage discussion on certain topics, injecting leading questions. At the same time, beware of making them work with you. Since you have different tempos of doing things, you are likely to end up doing their homework for them. Take some time to evaluate their finished work.

Children make mistakes unconsciously and fail to notice this unless an older sibling, or a parent, drills them on their weak subjects. They are corrected directly. From early childhood, they should be taught the “control of error.” Instead of fearing error, they will take an objective interest in it.

Housekeeping

Household quarrels revolve usually around dirt and disorder. Children should be responsible for keeping their room and clothes cabinet in order. Instead of scolding children for staining the clothes, let them wear a play smock, apron or play-clothes, which can freely be stained with mud, paint or smudges. Sunday clothes however, are to be kept immaculately clean since they are worn for special occasions. It is sad that children today are so casual in their wear when they go to church. Parents should revive the custom of wearing one’s Sunday’s best. The children will be more conscious of reverence for God’s divine presence. If this rule is regularly observed, the children will also grow up graciously as young ladies and gentlemen.

Be sure they have a special cabinet to keep their books, artwork, or hobby collection. Ration their paper needs and pen. Most children would feel more secure when parents teach budgeting. For more regular “control of error,” have a wastebasket, broom and dustpan, as well as rags, available in corners of the house.

Praise and reward desirable behavior

As the children learn to master their mistakes, parents should constantly notice their efforts. Do parents notice when their children are playing cooperatively and amicably with a playmate, sharing their toys and even their struggles in a friendly manner, not whining or being petulant? Are they given a hug, or a word of praise or appreciation? Parents may take this desirable behavior for granted and say nothing. They are totally unaware that by not giving payoffs for desirable behavior, they are discouraging their children to behave in a desirable way.

But notice what happens when the situation is reversed. Instead of behaving well, the children act up. They hit their friends, throw their soup on the floor, torment their younger sister, steal money from their mother’s purse, become defiant and refuse to obey. Immediately, they are corrected or scolded. In short, they exhibit a variety of repugnant behavior and get their parents’ attention. Whether you are aware of it or not, everyday of your life you are teaching your children either desirable behavior or undesirable behavior, or a combination of both.

The opportunities you allow your children will help them to become independent. The freedom to ingeniously work out difficulties will be their source of strength for a lifetime. Only they can make their pathway of progress. When properly challenged with gradated difficulties the children works better. And if they do, they will be comfortable with mistakes that can be set right. Then there will be no need for teachers or parents to correct, for they are maturing and have courage to overcome things.

The pathway to progress

The pathway to progress is marked by recognizing the right direction. This includes a constant awareness if we are deviating from the path. Fraternity is born more easily on the road of error than on that of perfection. A perfect person is unable to change. Two perfect people will quarrel for they can’t comprehend nor accept differences. –Preciosa S. Soliven (The Philippine Star)

(For feedback email at precious.soliven@yahoo.com)