Some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen’s Engerlish:

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat).

6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.

9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad
too.

11. Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary;
it’s highly superfluous.

14. One should never generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. Don’t use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. The passive voice is to be ignored.

20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical
words however should be enclosed in commas.

21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

22. Kill all exclamation points!!!!

23. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

24. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when
its not needed.

25. Who needs rhetorical questions?

26. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.

27. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

From Clean Laffs,
with editing from CRB