Divorce or annulment: Same difference

Another contentious issue is once again up for debate  with the Catholic Church as the primary opposition to the legalization of divorce in this country. But actually, the Church allows annulment in many instances. The basic interpretation of annulment is the declaration of a marriage to be null and void  essentially saying the marriage never took place at all (even though the couple may already have several children), while divorce is technically the “after effect” of a failed marriage. To many people however, the difference between divorce and annulment is all just a matter of jargon and semantics  because in the end, both acknowledge that the marital situation has become untenable and thus the union should be dissolved or severed.

It is rather sad but the reality today is that with the modern world and the stressful life that goes with it, no one should impose or compel through legislation that two people have to live together for the rest of their lives if their relationship has become not only a source of emotional and psychological trauma, but also puts the aggrieved party under a lot of physical suffering and even danger. While many people still strongly believe in preserving the sanctity of marriage and protecting the family and the children above all from the devastating effects of a broken marriage, the fact is, it is just as emotionally and psychologically shattering for children to hear or witness their parents quarreling day-in and day-out.

We have heard of so many heartbreaking stories about women becoming victims of domestic violence, like this poor young woman who had absolutely no idea that her husband was a psychologically impaired man with a horrible drinking habit. Every single day of her married life of five years, she was subjected to brutal beatings and unspeakable inanities until she developed the “battered wife syndrome” where she would always rationalize her husband’s abusive behavior by thinking she was the one at fault  that she was not beautiful enough, not industrious enough, not understanding enough. He would fly into a rage every time she asked permission to see her relatives or friends, and would lock her up in a closet. What used to be a pretty, bubbly young woman became a loner who shunned the company of others, partly out of fear and shame that people would know of her situation. She finally came to her senses when a persistent relative who knew of her situation decided to rescue her from a living hell. She is currently in hiding, having psychiatric therapy while her “animal” of a husband is still prowling the streets looking for her.

Don’t kid yourselves; there are also “battered” men abused by their wives. Take the case of this man whose wife turned out to be a sex addict. She kept having affairs, sometimes even with the husband’s colleagues and acquaintances. For 10 years, he took the pain and humiliation for the sake of their three children, hoping things would change after each episode of recrimination and forgiveness  until she finally got pregnant and gave birth to another man’s child. That was when he decided enough was enough  but by then he had lost the respect of all his relatives, his friends and worse, even his children.

These are just a few classic stories of failed marriages where the only way out is to leave instead of being trapped into a life of misery forever. While legal separation is an option, it does not allow separated couples to remarry, depriving aggrieved parties the opportunity to make a fresh start and regain their sense of self respect. Society’s “double standard” also makes it difficult for women to rebuild their lives with a new partner because of the stigma attached to being a “separada.” Ours is a crazy “macho society” where men who separate from their wives and have another family are often not ostracized.

With annulment being a costly and lengthy process (and therefore perceived to be available only to the wealthy) it’s no longer surprising to hear many horrific stories about judges (who are most likely having affairs themselves) taking money from both sides particularly when a case is very contentious and both parties want to “expedite” the process. Naturally, divorce should never be an option for philanderers and immature individuals who want to do it Las Vegas-style where couples marry after a bout of drunken carousing  and seek a divorce the minute the hangover passes.

If it would take a Constitutional amendment to legalize divorce  then so be it, but it’s about time this country moves on to the 21st century. No one will argue against making sure that strict parameters in granting divorce are observed, like when couples have exhausted all possible ways to stay together, or when they have been separated for a number of years and reconciliation has become impossible, with both reaching a “point of no repair.” The bottom line is, it is not only unfair but more damaging to force two people  and their children  to live together and be miserable for the rest of their lives.

*      *      *

Vice President Jojo Binay’s recommendation to have former President Ferdinand Marcos’ remains buried in Ilocos Norte with full military honors is not only an excellent idea but a sensible one. Marcos was elected president, was commander-in-chief of the Armed Forces and was Secretary of National Defense  all prerequisites for receiving full military honors. The fact that the Marcos family has also agreed to the burial in Ilocos Norte, where the former president is revered as a hero, finally puts this divisive issue to “rest in peace.” –Babe Romualdez (The Philippine Star)

*      *      *

Email: babeseyeview@yahoo.com