Perception is a tricky thing

This is a really tricky thing. There can be one situation, and it can be seen differently depending on where one is coming from. What makes the process of perception complicated is our own emotional issues. Sometimes we live in a reality that is fabricated by our own personal complexities, and we operate from that standpoint — and it can be so far from what is true.

I can relate one very recent instance where my whole family was on a yacht. They had all gone out diving. I made a mistake and miscalculated the gear I would need to bring. So I decided to let my kids take the dive. I would just swim in the sea.

The yacht was anchored in the waters of Romblon. I love the ocean, so I was having a good time — till I noticed that the current was bringing me further and further out to sea. When I tried to swim, I would remain in the same area, and when I would rest, I would be brought farther away. So I shouted toward the yacht — my close-in security person was there — and I asked him to come with the kayak. He shouted back that one of the children was going to use it. I shouted again — “Bring the kayak!” — and he repeated the same reply. Finally, in frustration, I shouted at one of the boatmen and he immediately took the kayak and picked me up. By the time I got to the yacht, I was livid. I guess I inherited my dad’s temper, so I was really angry. After expressing my frustration, my anger didn’t leave me — it continued to seethe inside of me. So I didn’t talk to this security person. Since I am normally lighthearted and friendly, he could really feel it.

It’s key to me that I always do the right thing. He is actually a good security detail — he just screwed it up big time. He profusely apologized. He had a big failure in judgment — he didn’t realize I was in trouble.

This time I had a really hard time getting out of the space of anger. I literally wanted to hit back. I had to call up a friend to help me see this through. The emotional kick there was I was asking for help — and I was ignored. That’s a super big button for me. That led me to a cycle of perception and processing that further fanned the fire: I continued to see him negatively.

One’s emotional buttons are touched, and that starts off a domino effect of perception. It’s really key to take a breather — and not do anything while in this space!

Sitting with people who can give you feedback, and restore the proper vision to what you are going through is a key aspect of the spiritual path.

Perception. It’s a very tricky thing. What are the red flags? When you feel your perception is causing anger in you, or any kind of emotional reaction, you are probably moving off-kilter. It’s best to take a breather. This is often hard, especially if the wheels of anger have already started turning and there is this desperate need to let off steam. The problem is people may unnecessarily get hurt in the process.

The “vision space” with friends helped me take stock of reality. See things from other angles. But what really helped was my meditation in the morning. Going to the Divine level, I could take a “breath of fresh air.” Whew! Away from it all! Let the Divine shower me with soothing energies, holding my heart. I felt I could finally “breathe.”

That’s the reality many of us live with. The relentless “turning of wheels” drains us, colors our worlds, creating perceptions that aggravate us, and initiating a domino effect that keeps dragging us deeper into a world that is negative. We don’t even know how bad it is until we “get out.” Unfortunately some never do. Many times the “hell” one lives in is created by one’s reactions to situations. We can’t control the situations in our lives. But we can control and influence our reactions. I remember one time, during martial law, my father was in the stockade for five years. One of his favorite books was by Primo Levi, a survivor of a Nazi prison camp. It was there, treated like animals, experiencing the greatest depravity — hunger, torture, humiliation — that he learned to find his divinity. Isn’t that amazing? It is testimony to the resilience of the human being. His situation was depraved and he was able to perceive the situation in such a way that it didn’t bring him down into a cycle of hatred and bitterness. In fact, in this situation, he discovered his humanity. Nelson Mandela is another such example: while living in prison under the apartheid regime for 27 years, he never gave in to vengeance and later went on to herald a new dawn for South Africa.

Compassion is like a sigh of expansion. Soothing. Seeing people in a positive light is relaxing. Seeing people negatively creates tension in oneself. This doesn’t mean one should be naive. Reality is not pretty. There are negative forces, negative scenarios. Many of these situations have to be addressed decisively. So it’s not about doing nothing to deal with it. It’s just finding the right space to do it from.

Possible strategies:

• The best is to rest physically. Take a warm bath, swim, go to nature: this has a calming effect on the mind. A tired body is prone to more complexity.

• Divorce yourself physically to a really nice place where one can get into a different space. But don’t divorce yourself physically and get stuck in your mind. See the stars, feel the fresh air, swim in the sea. Extricate yourself from the maddening wheels of complexity.

• Get help. Talk to someone “sane,” not someone who will just fan the fire even more.

• Don’t sink into watching TV, eating, frivolities — those are temporary respites and they end up being counterproductive because the problem doesn’t go away. It’s really better to just face it.

• Write down your thoughts and feelings. That always helps me. Sometimes I am amazed at what I write. It’s like advice is coming through me, like Neale Donald Walsh’s Conversations with God.

• My sister and brother-in-law gave excellent advice: Just let it ride. It will settle. Let it pass.

The month of January is a good time to take stock. Clean house. Organize things. See oneself. Always go for stable ground. Be aware of how you are perceiving things. Remember: if you are being unduly aggravated, it just might very well be that the glasses you are using are tainted. Clear vision: that’s the goal. Towards a better vision for our lives, and towards truer perception. –Gina Lopez (The Philippine Star)

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I can be reached at regina_lopez@abs-cbn.com.