Is there really such a thing as aging gracefully?

MaluFernandezFifteen years ago my first article was about aging. The article poked fun at how you could tell someone’s age by the way they danced, wore their clothes and acted in public. At that time I was 29 years old. Now 15 years later, I’m still poking fun at people who are middle aged but this time I’m laughing at myself. And my friends laugh along with me, realizing that not too long ago we were on the other side of the coin.

Nowadays, when we go to dinner or have a drink at night, everyone’s concern is always the same, what time are we going home? Fifteen years ago, the question was which club are we going to? Is 12 midnight too early to show up? Where are we having breakfast? And how do I get off work tomorrow? We also threw caution to the wind, we made friends with strangers at clubs, invited them to hang out in our homes and had a little after party soiree at 3 a.m.

Today, the thought of being out of my house past 1 a.m. gives me the shivers, knowing I’ll be dead on my feet the next day. Drinking more than one or two glasses of wine is thought to bring down heart decease as opposed to drinking one or two glasses of Stolichnaya to get you in a nice drunken stupor. Aside from drinking, food was also taken with great abandon. Fatty food was eaten at 4 a.m. in order to combat the effects of alcohol, without thinking that the liver damage from the alcohol combined with the greasy trans-fat would be a double whammy on your system.

In your 40s, you’re thinking egg white omelettes, non-fat food and light healthy meals. You are careful about what you eat and what you put in your body.

Just take a look at all the triathlons and whatever physical endurance contests which are all the rage these days. Sixty percent of the men and women in these competitions are middle aged and they are pushing themselves to the limit and proving to themselves they have the physical endurance of someone in their 20s.The problem here is that there are bound to be a few casualties from torn ligaments, respiratory problems and possible heart failure. And yet both men and women push themselves to the brink.

Then there are those middle aged folks who are not inclined to athletics but opt for the quickest and most immediate fix like getting Botox and fillers on a monthly basis, attaching hair extensions and weaves to cover thinning hair, getting glutathione shots and everything else on Vicki Belo’s menu in her clinic. Now there is nothing wrong with that, it’s immediate and instant gratification. But in reality we can shave off a few years off here and there but ultimately we all shrivel up and die.

That may seem morbid to most of you but a few days ago I visited someone in her 90s, a woman who was the epitome of strength and a force to be reckoned with. A woman who was formidable even when she was in her 70s. Now, this woman in her 90s is a shadow of herself. Although still formidable, the woman I saw sitting in her chair was not the same woman anymore. It got me to thinking that it would be ideal to live a long life and be like that 100-year-old man in the Coke commercial, seeing your grandchildren and two generations that follow. That seems sweet and sentimental right? But in reality, who wants to look that old and feeble, needing help to walk across the street? For example, just a few weeks back I saw a family in a restaurant having lunch with their grandfather. It was a touching sight but the old man was feeble and could barely walk.  All I could think of was that this feeble old man that needed help to walk across the room was once a strong man who took care of his family. A man that commanded presence when he entered the family room and now this man was behind his whole family trying his best to walk as fast as he could on his old feeble legs. I couldn’t help looking at him and getting depressed.

Most of you would say “it’s the cycle of life” But I have come to a conclusion that there is no aging gracefully. There is just getting old, weak and then eventually resting in peace. Unless you are Betty White of the Golden Girls, after 80, things just seem dreary and sad. You’re surrounded by mementos of lost youth and what once was. You think of lost love or past adventures it gets really depressing. For me, there is no aging gracefully. There is only following the light. –Malu Fernandez, Manila Standard Today